One of the most difficult, stressful and emotionally painful things that an individual goes through in their lifetime is the loss of a loved one. Loss includes the death of a spouse, close family member, pet and friends. There are many different types of losses which include the loss of a home, job, friendship, relationship, health, trust, safe childhood etc.

Everyone in their lifetime experiences many forms of loss. The grief that comes with any loss is destressing and is experienced differently by everyone. Some people may experience depression, go numb and feel detached unable to access their emotional experience, go to an extreme and make changes to their lives in order to feel alive and living, and some will turn to substance use to cope with the pain which can result in the development of addiction.

Depending on the relationship, circumstances and past life events people get through intense grief quickly and others could take years. Typically grief for everyone comes and goes throughout our lifetime as loss is a natural part of life. Anytime we experience a loss it will triggers the emotional memory of all the other losses we have previously experienced. There are 5 stages to grief. They are Shock and disbelief, Fear, Sadness, Anger, Guilt, & Sickness. These 5 stages happen interchangeably over time.

If grief lasts for an extended period of time due to complicated loss, traumatic history etc it can take a toll on the psyche and leave an individual vulnerable to the development of mental health issues. As a result there is a high risk of individuals using substances to cope with the despair and loss in an attempt to dull out the pain and feel some sense of normalcy and happiness.

"Out of the Darkness, There is Light."

What is Step Zero in the process of recovery from addiction? Step Zero is the realization and insight obtained through the painful process of addiction that the substance of use is causing interference and destruction in someone's life. This realization comes with the clarity that another way of life exists. The unfortunate truth about addiction is that it takes a "certain" amount of pain for each individual to break through the ropes of isolation and denial to ignite the spiritual awakening necessary to embark on the journey of recovery.

As a psychotherapist in private practice for over 10 years now I often ask myself what it is that fuels someone into the development of addiction. What I have come to believe for some, is that loss, longing, nostalgia and the yearning for things that never existed are great motivators to seek out numbing agents as a result of pain and suffering from these emotional experiences.

When we numb out hurt and grief we also numb out the ability to experience love, joy, peace and light. We are not designed as human beings to be in a perpetual state of numbness and detachment. These states of mind are like being the walking living dead. The risk to be courageous, feel love and grief is how we know we are truly alive. Brene Brown refers to this as "whole hearted living." To embark on the journey of recovery is living courageously, risking to love and experiencing grief for the sake of healing and evolving. One of the gifts of recovery is the ability to develop compassion for oneself and others. How do we develop compassion? By knowing our own darkness well enough that we can sit with others in their darkness.