How to feel more courageous

Everyone feels embarrassed, knocked down, and unable to cope with life’s challenges from time to time. Developing courage is an often overlooked aspect of mental health. While some people may seem to have been born brave, it is actually a skill we can develop. Courage is like a muscle – the more we practice, the easier it becomes.

The first step is to look at areas where we would like to improve. For example, maybe a person’s social circle has shrunken, or he has neglected his friends. That was already a common issue among people who have moved to a new city, had kids, and faced illness. Following the Covid pandemic, many friendships are especially likely to be strained.

That person has already courageously taken the first step by taking stock of his life and identifying an area in which he is lacking but would like to improve. The next step is to figure out what he can do about it.

Teachers and other professionals who work with children are familiar with the phrase zone of optimal growth. Once a child learns how to count, we don’t expect her to learn trigonometry, but she can begin working on addition and subtraction. On the one hand, we want students to continue growing and developing, but we can’t ask them to do more than they are capable of.

Adults are the same way. When someone feels lonely or socially awkward, it is unreasonable to set a goal of being the life of the party tomorrow. However, a person in that situation could commit to joining a social group and attending an event or introducing himself to one or two new people at work, church, or a volunteer group. Maybe he could contact an old friend and make plans to meet up.

These actions could be awkward or anxiety-inducing. It takes bravery to face them. A person may reject our friendly overtures. That is why we must measure courage by our efforts, not the results. If we try to rekindle an old friendship and the other person does not reciprocate, we have still succeeded because we took action to do better or to improve our situation. Bravery means we keep trying.

In fact, we probably will fail at some point, whether we are trying to make friends, kick a bad habit, or treat a mental disorder. Sometimes we fail due to circumstances outside our control. In that case, we can see that the problem was something we could not prevent, like a person who does not respond to our invitation of friendship. In this case, we show courage when we try again the next time.

Other times we get discouraged and may not feel up to the challenges we have set ourselves. Here, we may have to act with courage to take a hard, introspective look at ourselves. Are we capable of doing what we’ve set out to do? Maybe joining a new club with a bunch of strangers feels too onerous. In that case, we can try a new strategy, perhaps re-establishing a texting thread with old friends or going out for lunch with one colleague we’re already friendly with. Even if we are not moving as fast, we are still going forward, and that takes courage.

Counselors are trained to help people identify areas where they would like to grow and work with clients to set healthy goals. If you are apprehensive about meeting with a therapist, consider taking a brave step and scheduling a session to see if one may be able to help.