The Subtle, Long-term Effects of Grief

The loss of a loved one can affect us in ways we can’t predict. We expect a grieving period marked by sadness, even anger, after the passing of a family member or close friend. While the absence of the loved one will be felt forever to a degree, some people never process their grief, and those unresolved emotions can hinder their well-being.

It is important that people give themselves permission to grieve in their own time and in their own way. However, when people do not engage with their experience of loss, those bottled-up emotions can lead to changes in their behavior the bereaved person may not even notice.

Following the death of someone close, a surviving loved one’s circumstances may change. For example, after a spouse dies, the surviving partner may have a new daily routine. As the mourning period winds down, the husband may see less of friends who were closer to his late wife. He may have to learn how to cook, tend to his finances, or take care of other chores the wife had overseen. He may move to a new house, or even a new city to be closer to other family members.

If, after a year or two, this widower were to behave differently than he had before the death of his partner, friends and family might chalk up the difference to external factors. The new circumstances are likely to play a part, but it is also worth asking if untended grief is also likely to have a role.

People who do not address their grief can develop signs of depression and anxiety. Stress is also likely to build up which can affect their physical as well as emotional health. This is an aspect of what psychologists sometimes call the mind-body connection. Emotional pain can manifest as physical symptoms including cardiovascular problems and difficulty focusing. Someone struggling with long-term grief may also behave in unhealthy ways such as eating and sleeping too much or too little.

An important aspect of grief counseling is helping a person develop healthy habits. In our example, a widower had to adjust to a new routine, which can always be daunting. Doing so while grieving and feeling lonely makes it all the more challenging. It can be useful to speak with a counselor to set goals and check in on progress, in addition to talking through feelings of loss.

It is also important that people in mourning participate in activities that bring them happiness with people they enjoy. Often, people who have lost a loved one feel like they are betraying their deceased loved one when they go out and have fun, but it is possible to honor the memory of a departed friend or family member while taking pleasure in life.

It is never too late to talk about grief. And while discussions of grief often center on death, people also grieve when they lose a job, when a relationship ends, when they face infertility, and for myriad other reasons. If you or someone you love is struggling to find pleasure in life, grief may be an issue. A therapist can help talk through these concerns and suggest other resources that can help.