When the Tide Changes: Understanding the Cycles of Connection

As we move deeper into spring, nature reminds us of something we often forget: nothing is static.
The same is true in our relationships.

In therapy, we often view the health of a relationship by how well it endures change—not how long it stays the same.
Like the ocean’s tide, relationships ebb and flow. Sometimes we feel close, then distant. Sometimes we grieve what was,
only to later rediscover new dimensions of love, connection, and understanding.

But when you’ve grown up in relational chaos or emotional unpredictability, these cycles can feel threatening.
Distance might register as abandonment. Change may feel like rejection. And loss can awaken early attachment wounds
that never had the chance to fully heal.

From a psychodynamic perspective, these shifts often mirror our earliest attachment templates.
The fear isn’t just about losing the other person—it’s about losing the version of ourselves we felt safe being in their presence.

But here’s the truth: Real love allows for movement. It makes room for transitions, pauses, and re-entries.
The bond doesn’t have to break just because the form has changed.

As Yoda reminds us, “Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter.” Our connections are not confined to physical proximity or rigid roles.
They’re shaped by presence, trust, and the capacity to return after rupture.

This May, I invite you to:
- Reflect on a relationship in your life that has shifted—what has been painful, and what has grown?
- Notice the emotional patterns you repeat when closeness changes: Do you pull away? Do you chase? Do you grieve?
- Ask yourself: What if this is just a new season, not the end of the story?


Growth means allowing our relationships to evolve.
And it means letting ourselves evolve, too.

Warmly,
Dr. Kimberly Benson
Psychodynamic Psychotherapist | Depth Psychology Advocate | Star Wars Devotee